I am so not into the hippie thing. I get it…you like the Grateful Dead, deodorant was invented by ‘the man’, and hemp is ‘totally amazing man.’  To me you just come across as more pretentious than some chick named Buffy who ‘summers’ in the Hamptons. All those hippie idiots who say ‘money doesn’t matter man…communal living all the way!’ are always the ones with rich parents and health insurance. Hippies suck and smell. Point established. There is one thing that I can get on board with …”tree huggin”.

I LOVE TREES for everything. They are a sophisticated design stamp. Here is how to make one for your next event (I used it for a Japanese themed dinner party, and like it so much that I kept it in my house.)

1. You gotta find the wood/tree. I found mine in the design district in downtown L.A., but you can try any lumber place, design center, or florist.
2. Purchase whatever it is that you want to add to your tree. I like fabric orchids, wired crystals, and moss. All of which are available at the florist or craft store. Other things that look great are origami birds, lights, crystal beads, leaves, and flowers, etc..
3. Add everything on with spray adhesive or wire.
4. Feel like an artist!

I am big fan of living in the gray. If you read TYMNTY with any regularity, you know I am not exactly a fan of rule followin’. So, it should come as no surprise to those around me that when I found out I was having a little girl; I had no intention of painting her room pink. But, when I told everyone that I was planning on painting my little girls nursery gray, everyone looked at me like I had said I wasn’t going to allow imagination or laughter. Well guess what all you judgmental little mommies from baby group…you can suck it because it turned out pretty damn cute if you ask me!

Here is how I did it….

- Semi-gloss paint in Dior Gray

-Cream changing table and crib from Pottery Barn

-Butterflies on the wall- I got these from the craft store and super glued them on the wall in a cool pattern.

-Tree- This one is from an artist, but I have made these trees before and you can too! Just see my other post “Tree Hugger”.

- Rocking chair -I had it made because I didn’t want some cheesy crap from the kids stores. I found a chair I liked that matched with the décor of the room, and asked them to add a rocking mechanism to it. Simple solution and cheap too!

-Picture Wall- Choose any pictures and quotes you want done in different frames. I did quotes from Alice in Wonderland and Coco Channel, a vintage British poster, and black and white photos. I also included one pink princess painting for good measure.

- Day Bed- I had it made and covered in cream fabric (which is fantastic because it doubles as a couch when guests come to see the little monkey). The pillows are from West Elm and Jonathan Adler.

If you have any questions just write me!

Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone, to celebrate we’re going on a virtual trip down South.  Just because the US Government advises we don’t go to Mexico anytime soon, doesn’t mean we can’t bring Mexico’s finest exports to us.  

Here on Things Your Mother Never Taught You we believe if you only learn how to make three things in your adult life they should be the following:

1. Margies:  Mexico’s alternative to Prozac.

2. Guacamole: Mexico’s alternative to vegetables.  (FYI-french onion dip does not fulfill that requirement just because it has onion in the title).

3. Piñata- After a few Margies you can beat it and instead of going to jail you get prizes…Mexico’s alternative to violent alcoholics!  You don’t really even have to learn to make this…just stuff it with candy.

OLÉ!

Margies:

Click here for a video by yours truly on how to make kick ass Mango Margaritas!

Guacamole:

What you need:

2 RIPE avocados with the insides scooped out
½ cup sour cream
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 teaspoon course salt
1 to 2 dashes of Tabasco…depending on your heat tolerance
½ cup chopped tomatoes
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
3 tablespoons diced onion

What to do:

Mash everything together and ENJOY!

xo Brooke Peterson

Not sure if ya heard troop number 1673 but there is a recession on ladies. You charging 4 bucks for a box o’ thin mints is highway robbery.

I am putting you in time out with Goldman Sachs.  

But alas I can not make Girl Scout Pie without thin mints….so give me 2 boxes, I’ll give you 8 dollars, and I can get my fix an you can laugh at me and me and call me a sucker….I need my cookie pie!

Ingredients:

-1 box of thin mints

-1/2 cup melted butter

-1 pint mint chocolate chip ice-cream softened (leave it on the counter for 15 minutes or in the fridge for an hour)

-1 container of cool whip

-1/4 cup crème de menthe liquor

Directions:

1.   Finely crush 1 sleeve of cookies and save the other for garnish or eat them whilst making said pie because you have no self-control.

2.   Mix crumbs with ½ cup melted butter and press into a non-stick pie pan. If you don’t have a non-stick pie pan you can use an 8×8 casserole dish but start thinking about buying a pie pan. Nothing says grown-up like a pan pie pan and good credit…and 1 out of 2 ain’t bad.

3.   Throw the crust in the freezer for at least ½ an hour or until firm.

4.   Combine the crème de menthe liquor with the cool whip and set in the fridge.

5.   Spread ice cream over the crust

6.   Spread the cool whip over the top and place into the freezer for at least 2 hours.

7.   Garnish with crushed cookies, shaved chocolate, or if feeling especially tacky some good ol’ chocolate sprinkles.

8.   Call your best friend/husband/mother and tell them you just ate an entire pie. See if they can bring you Pepto….and your dignity.

The winter weather can dry you out quicker than a trip to Betty Ford, so exfoliating and mosturizing are key to staying snuggley soft. I love sugar scrubs because they dissolve in the shower and they make me feel like a cupcake in a good way. Here is my favorite homemade sugar scrub for snow season:

Brown Sugar Body Scrub

-2 cups Brown Sugar

-1 cup course white sugar

-2 tablespoons peppermint oil

-1 cup baby oil

Mix everything and place in glass jar with a lid in your shower. Scrub and rinse!

P.S. This makes a great little gift. Just wrap a little bow around it and call it a day!

Even though my site is called Things Your Mother Never Taught You, I have to admit that I learned almost everything I know from my mother. Wait, that’s not true. I learned how to do everything ‘the right way’ from my mother. I would then take said lessons and cut every possible corner from time to money, and do it the ‘Oh (insert sigh here) Honey’ way. I once pulled out hot glue to hem my pants, and by her reaction, you would’ve thought that I’d tied off and shot myself up with heroine while simultaneously making internet porn and clubbing baby seals.

That being said, even she had some tricks to getting your festive on for the holidays without climbing a god damn ladder or using anything inflatable resembling a turkey, pilgrim, or a cornucopia (which, let’s just be honest, always ends up looking like a penis with a spray tan that curves slightly to the left.) One of my Mom’s signature moves was decorating with candlelight. I think our Mormon neighbors thought we were holding a seance every time T-day rolled around. Which, in my mother’s own words, “is fine because people who don’t believe in happy hour are not to be trusted.” On both points, I agree with mama… Yes to candles, yes to happy hour.

Here are my Mom’s best tips and rules for lighting up your pied-à-terre. In the words of my utterly fantastic mentor and mother, Roma Peterson, who is no longer with us, “Look alive baby girl! This is the fun stuff!”

These are Roma’s Rules:

1. People focus on the entryway to your house, and on the dining table. Start at the entryway with luminaries. Grab a handful of lunch bags and fill the bottom of each one with an inch of sand. Place a tea light inside and viola you got yourself a fancy lit up walk way. Do not be a moron and put these inside unless you want to your casa to go up in flames.

2. In the entryway, if you want something singular with a lot of ‘Wow’ factor, try doing glass containers filled with water and floating candles. If you can’t find floating candles, you can float regular pillar candles in cranberries.

3. Tabletops are always best done with candles with two reasons:  First, everyone looks better by candlelight. Some people should never be shown in high definition T.V., and the same applies for the halogen lighting in your dining room. Your Aunt Kate’s ‘natural lip enhancement’ will still look like Lisa Rinna after a hard night, but it will be more bearable in the amber glow of candlelight. Trust me. The second reason for candles on the table is that they make unbelievable chic and cheap centerpieces. Some of my favorite ways to use them: Write letters on them for sayings, hang them from branches in small mason jars, and tuck tea lights into fruits and pumpkins.

Hold on to your Santa hats, folks… Someone allowed me on national television. So today on Rachael Ray you can catch me giving Holiday tips and tricks, and here’s one of my favorites.

For those of you who are little short on holiday decorations, you can let those annoying ‘oh my god look at how cute we are in our matching sweaters’ card people make themselves useful.

1. Grab some string, ribbon, or twine and tie it between two objects at least a 1 ½  feet apart. I like festive vases. Or tie it from end to end of your fireplace mantle.

2. Pick your bad-ass holiday decorating self up some clothes pins (laundry aisle of the grocery store) and put some ‘jazz hands’ on ‘em. Which basically means, glue whatever you’ve got on hand to the top of the clothes pin. I like the little blue snowflakes pictured here because a retarded monkey could cut them out of any paper you have on hand. But, of course, feel free to go wild. This project is an acceptable time to bust out the glitter. On a side note if you are a stripper anytime is an appropriate time to bust out the glitter… Every job has it perks, ladies!

3. Clip cards to your clothesline. Only put up the attractive people though. What? Too far? Nope. Just right.

Hope ya’all catch the show today and thanks in advance for all the nice flowers, notes, cards, chocolates, subscriptions to the Wine of the Month Club, and envelopes stuffed with cash that you sent as congratulatory gifts.

Mom may have told you to update your closet every season and invest in ‘classic pieces,’ but what if you can’t even pay your dry cleaning bill? Seriously, they won’t give me my fall peacoat and I am chilly. Karma is a bitch, Sunset Cleaners! And don’t even get me started with Saks Fifth. Apparently you can’t buy new shoes until you pay for the last pair… that you bought in June… ‘07.

So, I thought I would attempt to do a little wardrobe revamp. Here are some ways to give your wardrobe an update without having to be wary of getting a snippy call from VISA where they might as well say… “Do you ever plan on paying this thing off?”

1. No-Sew Tape: Changing hemlines for the sewing-impaired for centuries

You can change the hemline on jeans, skirts, and pants. It is also awesome for keeping draped items in place and tweaking their shape.

2. Rite Dye: How that hideous mustard yellow bridesmaid dress became your new little black dress

Buy the dye at any fabric store and read the directions but basically ya just toss it into the wash with whichever garment you want to dye. Here are few quick tips for this:

• * Make sure the garment that you are dying is washable!
• * Always pick a dye color that is darker than the original color
• * Run an empty cycle on your wash machine after your dye cycle

P.s. This is also great for getting a set of matching colored garments in your wardrobe. For example throw an old black turtleneck, leggings, socks, t-shirt, etc. in one load and then all your blacks will match perfectly this winter!

3. Accessories: Big Pieces… Little Cost

Any chick worth her salt knows accessories bring drama quicker than Courtney Love. However, girls, here are three things you might not know however girls about accessories for fall:

> Rachel Roy has just launched her line at Macy’s. For those of you who have been living in a cave, Rachel is a fashion goddess who has an incredible knack for making pieces that just make you feel freakin’ rock star cool. Check her stuff out at Macy’s for designer taste at a non-designer price.

–

> Target does the same thing with their accessory designers that they do with their Boutique designers and right now they have Hollywood Intuition which is the perfect wardrobe pick-me-up with oversized sunglasses, snake skin totes, and sophisticated leather bracelets. Check ‘em out at Target.com

–

> Continuing with the trend of Rachels, Rachel Zoe has launched a line on QVC. Now although I feel Miss Zoe should be a little more concerned with eating a sandwich than designing an accessories collection… the collection is fabulous. It is a modern take on old Hollywood glam meets Boho, and just one of these very reasonably priced accessories will put some serious wow in your wardrobe. Try the faux fur vest… just trust me.

4. DIY to the stale-wardrobe rescue.

Here are two great tricks to turn old stuff into hot new stuff:

SCARF TANKS

MAKE YOUR OWN CLUTCH

Happy Wardrobe Redo… you may now answer your phone without anxiety!

My mama was a couture handbag designer and although I greatly admired her work I have just never been one for hand-stitching a clutch… Sorry mama! I found this great little project online and it’s a simple one to put some pop into your wardrobe.

Fold-Over Clutch Purse

Supplies Needed:

• 1/2 yard faux suede, leather, or fabric
• 1/2 yard coordinating cotton print for lining
• 1/2 yard cotton quilt batting
• KK-2000 spray adhesive
• Sulky transfer markers
• 5 brass rings (from the hardware store)
• Pins
• Monofilament thread
• Conventional sewing thread

Cutting:

Mark and cut a panel from each of the following: suede, cotton print and the quilt batting, measuring 15” x 29”.

Sewing:

1. Spray the backside of the suede and the quilt batting with the spray adhesive. Gently lay the suede on top of the quilt batting and smooth out any wrinkles. Pin the edges.

2. Stitch the two layers together across the width of the panel, at the center.

3. Layer the quilted suede panel with the cotton lining, right sides together, pin the edges.

4. Stitch each end together along the 15” width, through all layers. Turn right side out and press the newly sewn edges.

5. Fold the panel in half with right side of suede facing itself and the cotton lining facing out. Pin the sides together and stitch each side seam.

6. To make square corners on the bottom of the bag, fold each bottom corner against itself and sew one inch in from the point of the triangle.

Turn the bag suede side out, fold the bag in half and steam press, using a pressing cloth.

And… voila! Clutch nouveau.

Need a quick gift? Food tasting bland? Want a great decoration for your kitchen counter? In this episode of Cheap n Easy™ we’ll meet three needs with one bottle of flavored olive oil.