Holiday Parties are good times for two reasons: Egg nog and Mistletoe. Usually eggnog is the catalyst for mistletoe mania, but what if you are Mormon, Baptist, or Amish and there is no liquor available at your shindig? Well then obviously you will have to use sex appeal to get ya some. And that means…

COCKTAIL DRESSES!!!

Here are the BrookieP tricks of the trade. Let us begin.

1. This is the most artistic freedom you are entitled to all year in terms of ‘fancy dress,’ and to let that go to waste would be a shame. Big bows? Generally not appropriate for a thirty-year-old woman unless you are playing naughty schoolgirl with your significant other—but for the holidays, bring it on! Bedazzles, beads, and feathers are also acceptable for holidays ladieswear… and for guest appearances on Dancing with the Stars, with no gender specifications.

2. If you are poor, buy one fabulous black dress, and killer bright shoes, and clutches in two colors.  If you are really poor, buy wraps in two different colors instead of the shoe/clutch scenario to get two uses for your cocktail dress. If you are really really poor, buy the tightest cocktail dress you can find and someone will eventually buy your accessories for you. I am not advocating prostitution so please don’t send me angry emails… it’s a joke… kinda.

3. The Holiday Dress should be sexy, not slutty… you know who you are. If you bend over and it looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting leave it for ‘club night.’ This is also not the time to go sans bra and panties… you also know who you are. Which brings me to the most important message for today: Your cocktail dress is not about the actual dress—it’s about showing off your kick-ass bod, and since none of us were born perfect (Victoria’s Secret Bitches excluded) invest in two things before all else… Spanx and chicken cutlets. These shape wear garments will suck you in, and the silicone booby inserts are about as much of a personal guarantee as I give to get yourself some holiday tonsil hockey.

I love these party dresses below, which are available at edressme.com.

May you find a dress this season that makes you feel fabulous, sisters!

Mom may have told you to update your closet every season and invest in ‘classic pieces,’ but what if you can’t even pay your dry cleaning bill? Seriously, they won’t give me my fall peacoat and I am chilly. Karma is a bitch, Sunset Cleaners! And don’t even get me started with Saks Fifth. Apparently you can’t buy new shoes until you pay for the last pair… that you bought in June… ‘07.

So, I thought I would attempt to do a little wardrobe revamp. Here are some ways to give your wardrobe an update without having to be wary of getting a snippy call from VISA where they might as well say… “Do you ever plan on paying this thing off?”

1. No-Sew Tape: Changing hemlines for the sewing-impaired for centuries

You can change the hemline on jeans, skirts, and pants. It is also awesome for keeping draped items in place and tweaking their shape.

2. Rite Dye: How that hideous mustard yellow bridesmaid dress became your new little black dress

Buy the dye at any fabric store and read the directions but basically ya just toss it into the wash with whichever garment you want to dye. Here are few quick tips for this:

• * Make sure the garment that you are dying is washable!
• * Always pick a dye color that is darker than the original color
• * Run an empty cycle on your wash machine after your dye cycle

P.s. This is also great for getting a set of matching colored garments in your wardrobe. For example throw an old black turtleneck, leggings, socks, t-shirt, etc. in one load and then all your blacks will match perfectly this winter!

3. Accessories: Big Pieces… Little Cost

Any chick worth her salt knows accessories bring drama quicker than Courtney Love. However, girls, here are three things you might not know however girls about accessories for fall:

> Rachel Roy has just launched her line at Macy’s. For those of you who have been living in a cave, Rachel is a fashion goddess who has an incredible knack for making pieces that just make you feel freakin’ rock star cool. Check her stuff out at Macy’s for designer taste at a non-designer price.

–

> Target does the same thing with their accessory designers that they do with their Boutique designers and right now they have Hollywood Intuition which is the perfect wardrobe pick-me-up with oversized sunglasses, snake skin totes, and sophisticated leather bracelets. Check ‘em out at Target.com

–

> Continuing with the trend of Rachels, Rachel Zoe has launched a line on QVC. Now although I feel Miss Zoe should be a little more concerned with eating a sandwich than designing an accessories collection… the collection is fabulous. It is a modern take on old Hollywood glam meets Boho, and just one of these very reasonably priced accessories will put some serious wow in your wardrobe. Try the faux fur vest… just trust me.

4. DIY to the stale-wardrobe rescue.

Here are two great tricks to turn old stuff into hot new stuff:

SCARF TANKS

MAKE YOUR OWN CLUTCH

Happy Wardrobe Redo… you may now answer your phone without anxiety!

My mama was a couture handbag designer and although I greatly admired her work I have just never been one for hand-stitching a clutch… Sorry mama! I found this great little project online and it’s a simple one to put some pop into your wardrobe.

Fold-Over Clutch Purse

Supplies Needed:

• 1/2 yard faux suede, leather, or fabric
• 1/2 yard coordinating cotton print for lining
• 1/2 yard cotton quilt batting
• KK-2000 spray adhesive
• Sulky transfer markers
• 5 brass rings (from the hardware store)
• Pins
• Monofilament thread
• Conventional sewing thread

Cutting:

Mark and cut a panel from each of the following: suede, cotton print and the quilt batting, measuring 15” x 29”.

Sewing:

1. Spray the backside of the suede and the quilt batting with the spray adhesive. Gently lay the suede on top of the quilt batting and smooth out any wrinkles. Pin the edges.

2. Stitch the two layers together across the width of the panel, at the center.

3. Layer the quilted suede panel with the cotton lining, right sides together, pin the edges.

4. Stitch each end together along the 15” width, through all layers. Turn right side out and press the newly sewn edges.

5. Fold the panel in half with right side of suede facing itself and the cotton lining facing out. Pin the sides together and stitch each side seam.

6. To make square corners on the bottom of the bag, fold each bottom corner against itself and sew one inch in from the point of the triangle.

Turn the bag suede side out, fold the bag in half and steam press, using a pressing cloth.

And… voila! Clutch nouveau.

If you are like me you have entire collection of vintage scarves that you ‘just HAD to have’ and they know sit in a basket in my closet taunting me. It is as if they are silently screaming ‘DO SOMETHING WITH US BITCH!’

Ok ok! Here is one way to a do scarf top.

P.S. These are great for wearing under solid colored suits.

Look and learn: