Eat Me

Suck it McDonald’s

Saturday, March 6th, 2010

 

An Open Letter to McDonald’s

 

Dear Mr. McDonald’s,

You are such a typical man.  Last night I went through your drive-thru and got myself a little chocolate crack in a cup or milkshake as I believe you call it.   I went to sleep happy and with a full tummy, a blood glucose level that is definitely illegal in Utah and possibly some other tea party states, but happy nonetheless knowing that a sausage biscuit McSomething awaited me in the morning…like you said.   But at 10:15am when I ponied up to your drive thru window you were nowhere to be found.  Where is my porky goodness and why is some stranger offering me a cheeseburger.  WTF???  No, no, no!   I do not want a cheeseburger at 10:15 in the freakin’ morning.  Rush Limbaugh wouldn’t even eat a cheeseburger in the morning…unless you made vicodin your new ‘special sauce’.  

Screw You, Ronald McDonald!  

We are OVER!  I am making my own sausage scrumptiousness and I will not get drunk and call you just to see how your doing and then come over for a chocolate “milkshake” and believe that you will be there in the morning. I won’t fall for it…again.

Sincerely,

Brookie P  

   Im Not Lovin It!

 

 

Cinnamon Sausage Biscuits

2 cups all purpose flour

3 tablespoons sugar

1-teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1-tablespoon cinnamon

½ teaspoon nutmeg

1 pound cooked pork sausage

1-cup sharp cheddar cheese

½ teaspoon vanilla

2 cups heavy cream

 

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees

2. Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl

3. Add in sausage and cheese

4. Add vanilla to the heavy cream in a separate bowl

5. Slowly begin to incorporate liquid into dry ingredients until mixture begins to form a dough ball in the center of the bowl.

6. On a floured surface begin to roll dough out and square off the edges with a knife.

7. Cut dough in 2×2 squares and place on non-stick cookie sheet

8. Bake for 20 minutes or until lightly golden

These little puppies are a good time to bust out the butter and/or maple syrup and forget about the diet.

Turkey Time

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009

It is the circle of life, and for the turkey, it is coming to a close. I feel for you, my friend, as I am mostly appreciated for my breasts as well. It’s a tough calling card but someone has to do it. LET’S BAKE A BIRD.

For Da Bird!!!

Allow one pound per person plus 2, which will give you a decent amount of leftovers. So for this 10-person extravaganza, pick your turkey-toting ass up a twelve-pounder.

-2 cups orange juice

-3 cups of beer…I like a nice hiefeweisen

-12 pound turkey

-1/2 cup honey

-1/2 cup butter…this is NO time to count calories… get on board fatty

-2 cups of fresh herbs (I usually do rosemary, sage, mint and basil)

-I whole head of garlic chopped in half

-1 orange cut in quarters

-1 lemon cut in half

Seasoning Mix

- 2 tablespoons salt

- 3 tablespoons brown sugar

- 2 tablespoons course black pepper

Assuming your bird is of the frozen persuasion, you need to put it in the fridge right now!!! It takes two days to defrost that portly little 12-pounder (basically 24 hrs per 5 pounds). Put it in a basting pan to catch any liquid… Unless you are planning on giving salmonella as a party favor, LEAVE THE PLASTIC WRAP ON. Once Big Bird is defrosted, you are ready to begin.

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

2. Check to make sure oven is preheated to 325… At least one time in your domesticated life you will forget to turn on the oven so walk your sexy self back over there and check the freakin’ ON switch!

3. Remove your bird from the plastic and clean out all the insides. Some people keep these and cook with them. Totally foul if you ask me. Toss those turkey guts.

4. Marinate the turkey in the beer and orange juice for an hour. Save one cup of the marinade.

5. Place turkey into roasting pan and stuff with the herbs, lemon, orange, and garlic.

6. Coat the outside of the turkey generously with butter and then drizzle with honey.

7. Sprinkle with all the seasoning mix and make sure that baby is well coated.

8. Pop it in the roasting pan and add the marinade juice to the bottom.

9. Cover with heavy duty aluminum foil and bake for an hour and half.

10. Remove aluminum foil and baste with juices in the pan and cook for another hour and half.

11. ALWAYS let turkey stand for at least 20 minutes before carving

Look who just made a turkey!!! Call your mother-in-law and tell her you CAN cook and that you are NOT a cheap tramp! Ok well at least tell her you can cook.

Goat Cheese Spread for the Holiday Guest

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

The holidays seem to be the time when people think its kosher to pull the old ‘We were in the neighborhood!’  B.S. and do an unannounced drop-by. To ease your pain, I have a little something you can keep on hand to feed these pests—I mean guests—before you get their ‘haven’t you ever heard of a phone’ asses out the door!

Goat Cheese Spread

- Combine four oz. goat cheese with 8 oz. ricotta and toss in a little salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste. 

You spread this ridiculous goodness on crackers, baguette, or fruit and when your visitors-without-boundaries ask where you got this delectable spread, you can say ‘I learned how to make it at my cooking class that I am actually late for! Such a bummer that we all have to leave. If you would have CALLED beforehand I would have let you know, but at least ya got a little snack!’ …Or something a little less passive-aggressive. Your call!

Top 25 Kitchen Fixes of All Time

Sunday, October 18th, 2009

My friend Emily sent me this and I got to tell you that after years of cooking these are some fantastic tricks and tips… Now get cooking!

It took top chefs years to figure out these helpful tips. You can put them to work immediately!

By Natalie Ermann Russell on USA Weekend magazine

It’s extremely reassuring to know what the experts do to overcome common kitchen challenges. If they can make life in the most important room in the house easy, painless and delicious, we want to know how. So we’ve asked noteworthy chefs, editors and authors to share some of their most ingenious kitchen solutions.


Food stuck to your favorite pot?
Sandy Gluck, host of “Everyday Food” on Martha Stewart Radio on Sirius XM, recommends simmering a baking soda and water mixture in the pot to help lift the food off. If you cooked something made with eggs, flour and milk (like pancakes), soak the pot in cold water first. “If you use hot water, it sets the starch and makes it glue on,” says Sara Moulton, executive chef at “Gourmet” and host of “Sara’s Weeknight Meals” on PBS.

Cut-up fruits and veggies turn brown? Lucinda Scala Quinn, executive editorial director for food at “Martha Stewart Living,” suggests placing things such as trimmed artichokes into acidulated water. To do that, use enough water to cover the vegetables along with the juice of one lemon or lime. Rubbing cut surfaces with lemon juice also prevents browning. “And when storing, cover the surface directly with a piece of plastic,” says Allie Lewis Clapp, food director at “Real Simple.” “This prevents air from getting to the flesh, which is what causes it to turn brown.”

Stale bread? Sprinkle a slice or two with water and microwave it for 30 seconds, Scala Quinn says. That restores some of the bread’s softness.

Chopped vegetables make a mess going from cutting board to pot? Use a metal bench scraper. “It’s supposed to be used to scrape up dough from a work surface, and it’s very good for that,” Moulton says. “But you can also scoop chopped vegetables to the side of the bench scraper and take them to the pan without dropping any.”

The recipe calls for buttermilk, but you don’t have any? Make a substitute, Gluck says. For each cup of buttermilk, place 2 tablespoons of lemon juice in a glass measure, then add enough low-fat milk to equal 1 cup.

Dull knives? “Wash and dry them immediately after use, avoid leaving them in the sink, and never put them in the dishwasher,” Lewis Clapp says. “Sitting water will quickly dull the blades.”

Cutting board slips? “Always put a damp towel underneath it,” says Ken Oringer, the chef and co-owner of Clio, Uni, Toro, KO Prime and La Verdad in Boston. “It needs to be well-grounded.”

Garlicky hands? “Stainless steel will neutralize the odor,” Lewis Clapp says. “Don’t fall for the gimmicky stainless steel ’soap bars’ that many kitchen stores will sell you — your sink and faucet are probably made of stainless, so just rub your hands on them.” A cut lemon also works.

Runaway peelers? A Y-shaped peeler gives you more control over fruits and vegetables that are harder to peel, like apples and butternut squash. “And it makes peeling significantly faster,” Lewis Clapp says. Also, place the veggies on your work surface rather than try to peel in midair.

Spices lost their zing? “Heat or toast them to reinvigorate the flavor,” Scala Quinn says. Put them in a cast-iron skillet over low heat with no oil. If you’re using a thinner pan, be careful, because the spices can burn quickly. (In the future, Gluck suggests, store them out of direct sunlight in opaque jars. Write the date of purchase on the bottom.)

Onions make you cry? Try goggles. “Years ago, someone sent me a pair of the kind you use for welding,” Moulton says, “and now they sell actual onion goggles in kitchen stores.” Also, make sure your onion is fresh and your knife is sharp.

Cleaning shellfish? A barbecue cleaning brush is excellent for scrubbing clams and mussels, Oringer says. The bristles are nice and sturdy.

Chicken and other meats slip out of your hands as you try to prepare them? Chilled meat is easier to handle. “The cooler the better,” Moulton says. “As it gets warmer, it gets more slippery.”

Sauce won’t stick to the pasta? Don’t add oil to the pasta water to prevent clumping; instead, stir often. Oil keeps the sauce from adhering, Moulton says.

Dry turkey? To retain the juices, let meats of all kinds rest before you cut into them, Moulton says. The length of resting time depends on the weight of the meat. A pork chop, for instance, would probably need about five minutes; a turkey, a half-hour.

Meat slices stick to your knife? Use a hollow-edge knife. “The wavy hollow-edge blade prevents food from sticking, allowing the knife to pass through foods more easily,” Lewis Clapp says. “It also lets you slice meat more thinly.”

Your food doesn’t brown nicely? Before cooking, pat meats and vegetables dry with paper towels. If you don’t, they will steam and won’t get that nice brown crust, Moulton says.

Raw meat juices spill onto your work space, contaminating it? “I love parchment for protecting the counter when working with raw meat and fish,” Scala Quinn says. Spread out a sheet under your cutting board or bowls, then throw it away when you’re done.

Unwieldy collection of pot lids? To keep them with their “mates,” slip lids over the handles of your pots and hang them overhead from a pot rack, Scala Quinn says.

Brown sugar hardened? “Place an apple wedge or two in the bag with the sugar, seal it and store at room temperature,” Gluck says. “It should soften in a day or two. A slice of bread, instead of the apple, works well, too.” Lewis Clapp also puts her bag of brown sugar inside a second, resealable plastic bag.

Scrape your fingers using a box grater? “I love the Microplane grater,” says Moulton, who uses it for ginger, garlic, citrus, Parmesan and chocolate (you need a separate one for sweet stuff so it won’t taste like garlic). It’s a straight rasp with a handle, so you just hold it over the bowl with one hand and grate with the other.

Leftover broth or stock? Freeze the broth in an ice cube tray. “Once frozen, transfer the cubes to a resealable container, and label and date it,” Gluck says. Each cube is equal to about 2 tablespoons.

Herbs scatter when you chop them? “I use rubber bands to bunch herbs before chopping, especially chives and parsley,” Oringer says.

Lemons too firm to juice? Gluck microwaves them on high in 10-second increments until they are softened. Now the fruit can be juiced easily.

Not sure when pancakes are ready to be flipped? Use a slotted fish spatula, designed to lift delicate foods, to check underneath a pancake as it cooks. “It’s not just for fish,” Moulton says.

Girlfriend Salad

Saturday, October 10th, 2009

When you want the girls to come over so you can tell them all about the Date Night Salmon, here is the perfect salad to serve. It’s sweet and sour and fresh and so good for you… exactly what you had hoped the date would be.

Click here for the list of ingredients, preparation instructions and nutrition information.

Date Night Salmon

Thursday, October 8th, 2009

Everyone needs at least one romantic dinner recipe up their sleeve. One that takes very little energy, so you can save all you have for later. In this episode Brooke whips up a salmon dish that will inspire you to cancel the dinner reservations and dine at your place tonight.

Click here for the list of ingredients, preparation instructions and nutrition information.

Cookies n’ Milk

Monday, October 5th, 2009

This dessert is a Cheap n Easy™ take on Tiramisu. Cookies, chocolate, and cream make an irresistible combination and it really couldn’t be any simpler.

Chocolate Truffles

Sunday, October 4th, 2009

Why give store-bought chocolates when it’s just as easy to make them from scratch? In this episode of Cheap n’ Easy™, you’ll learn to make truffles that you can flavor any way you like! It’s the perfect way to seal the deal on a night of romance.

Tomato Tortellini Soup and Parmesan Crisps

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Since you are probably getting all decked out for your date, we here at Cheap n’ Easy™ decided to deck out a can of Tomato soup. This recipe is perfect for a romantic dinner because of its beautiful pink color, and it couldn’t be any easier or taste any better!

Flavored Olive Oil

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

Need a quick gift? Food tasting bland? Want a great decoration for your kitchen counter? In this episode of Cheap n Easy™ we’ll meet three needs with one bottle of flavored olive oil.