One of the tough things about Springtime is attempting to guess what the weather is going to bring us.  You’re really letting me down Al Roker.  Enter the Fire and Ice Pit!  It rocks!  It solves all those unpredictable weather problems and at $59.95 is a big piece added to your outdoor area with only a little commitment from your wallet.   Since it is chilly today, check out my S’Mores video (filed under Videos) and go camping in your backyard!  OK, ok I make those in the microwave, but it’ll put you in the mood.  Sorry, but I dont have a video of beers in an ice bucket.  That’s for you to figure out on your own.  

NOTE: Things Your Mother Never Taught You does not condone using the firepit indoors, as “rad” as that seems dont do it.  We wont be posting quick tips to get soot out of your walls anytime soon.

It’s the Final Countdown… Dunna na na Da da da da da… Final countdown… It’s a week away! It’s a week away! It’s a week away!

THANKSGIVING!!!!

I am not spending it with my family so I can leave the valium and vodka at home. Or, at least the valium. I am, however, spending it with my partner-in-crime’s gianormous Jewish family. They’re not what you would call the Q.W.T. (quiet waspy type). And, since I am an overbearing Jewish mother’s worst nightmare (blonde, big rack and even bigger mouth… oh yeah, and a shiksa), I am going to be extra helpful on Thanksgiving, which works out well because I have Thanksgiving down to a science… a drunken, lethargic, tryptophan-induced, ‘God I will never eat this much again, OK just one more slice of pie’ science.

So, I thought for the next week here on Things Your Mother Never Taught You we would do a one week prep for the food superbowl otherwise known as Turkey Day.

Since we are a week out, today is going to be all about getting your bar in order. Why? Because liquor doesn’t go bad, and if your food goes to shit you can just over pour the cocktails until your uncle Bob starts getting handsy. Seriously Bob. It’s not ‘ok’ in Arkansas.  Put the mulled wine down and learn to hug appropriately.

At the seven-day mark in the T-Day countdown, this is the perfect time to make your infused vodka and for next week. I think that Cranberry Vodka sets the tone, plus it looks spectacular. Here’s what you have to know:

1. Grab 2 bags of cranberries, 1 pound cubed pineapple, and 2 quartered oranges and toss those puppies into your glass jug (use one with a spigot like the one pictured here.)

2. Dump two liters of cheap vodka on top and toss thee lid on thee jar. I like to play Russian techno music at this part and pretend to be a wild Ukrainian supermodel at secret underground dance club/distillery but it’s not really necessary for the vodka… More of a personal thing!

3. Put it on a counter out of direct sunlight and forget about it until next Thursday!

Your task today is done, you domestic goddess, you. Just follow my lead and we will have you all set for your day of thanks… You can thank me later.

P.S. Thanks to everyone who watched Rachael Ray yesterday. I made it five whole minutes on national T.V. without saying something inappropriate! Way to go BrookieP, way to go.

Sometimes Mama just doesn’t have the time, money, or energy to do a full bar. My alternative has become making one signature cocktail in bulk… ‘cause my alcoholic friends are expensive and my food tastes better if you’re drunk! Here are three libations that are easy to make in bulk. I’m like a Costco of cocktails!

Vodka Mint Lemonade

1 can frozen lemonade concentrate
36 oz. citrus soda (Sprite, 7-up, Fresca)
1 quart of Vodka…yeah baby!
4 tablespoons chopped mint
Toss everything into a pitcher and throw a couple of cups of ice into that puppy. Garnish the glasses with a sprig of mint or lemon slice. If you are going big time do both ‘cause you are crazy like that!
Sangria

1 bottle cheap red wine
4 cups chopped fruit (lemons, oranges, limes, and stone fruits work best)
4 tablespoons brandy
Toss everything into the pitcher and throw it into the fridge for about 2 hours. Take it out and put in 4 cups of ice. Serve this baby up with a little orange garnish and pretend to be a hot Spanish chick for the rest of the evening.
Piña Colada

1 quart pre-made pina colada mixer
16 oz. of light rum (cheap kind ladies!)
3 tablespoon vanilla coffee creamer
1 small can diced pineapple
5 cups ice

Toss it all in the blender. While blending you will OBVIOUSLY sing ‘If you like pina coladas’. Serve your tropical orgasm in a glass and garnish this mofo with some pineapple.

Greet your guests with a classic… The Hot Toddy. They’re a cinch to make and will fill your home with warm hearts and happy faces. All you need is whiskey, lemons, cinnamon sticks, honey and hot water. CHEERS!

A classic, old-school cocktail with a lotta kick—and Brooke will show the secret ingredient that will have guests begging for more.

Click here for the list of ingredients, preparation instructions and nutritional information.

Margaritas are the perfect Cheap n’ Easy™ cocktail. This recipe allows you to flavor them in many different ways and adjust the tequila depending on your taste and desired effect!

Prep Time 5 min.
Serves 1

Ingredients

Per Serving

• Calories: 334 kcal
• Carbohydrates: 51 g
• Dietary Fiber: 2 g
• Fat: 0 g
• Protein: 0 g
• Sugars: 45 g

Is it possible to find good wine on our Cheap n’ Easy™ budget? You bet your bottom dollar it is. Check out these truly scrumptious selections.