I am not sure if the cooler weather in the fall makes people wanna cuddle more or what, but there seem to be a disproportionately high number of birthdays in the Spring.  

Some are close friends, but some of the birthday parties I have attended lead me to dream up a use for that underused hall closet.  I call it my I don’t know you well enough to get a personalized gift closet.  Also known as the shit I forgot we had to go to a dinner party, thanks for telling the police that I was totally at your house at all night, congrats on your conversion wickenism closet.

My name is Brooke Peterson and I forgot your birthday.

Here are the things you need to give gifts on the fly so people like you and think you are exceptionally thoughtful. 

1. A supply of stock gifts such as wine, candles, and picture frames.  I also like to keep a few unexpected things that I now know I can expect to use like board games, cds, photo books by Taschen.

2. Ribbon and scissors

3. Bags, wrapping paper, tissue and tags

4. Blank cards and Pens

All of these item can be bought at the dollar store with the exception of the stock gifts.  

Now you too can give gifts to people you would have otherwise told …”I totally had something for you but I left it on the counter at home!”

For those of you who have not picked up a newspaper, turned on a TV, or tried to get a line of credit for anything over a dollar…. the recession is ON like Donkey Kong.

I know a lot of ya’all have given up your gym memberships in an effort to save your shekels.  Well I say good!

Screw doing exercise for the sake of fitting into single digit garments! I am not a goddamn gerbil and I will not run on a treadmill like a caged rodent. What’s next?  A maze with a slim fast shake at the end?  NO MORE!  Exercise should be fun, free, and make me feel like Gabriel Reese even if I look like an Orca with a learning disability.

I am only one lady* (I use the term lady loosely and by loosely I mean like the way we use sobriety in conjunction with Lindsey Lohan) and I am on the constant prowl for women who can help me with content for Things Your Mother Never Taught You. They say ‘Do your job BrookieP!’ and I would say ‘Why? You are so much better at it!’ So recently when my skinny jeans became my fat jeans I posed this question to some of my fitness forward friends…

What are some fun and inexpensive ways to stay fit? Here are the three best answers I got while trying to avoid doing my own work:

From Betsy: I often get lazy to go to the gym and get a sudden burst of energy around 9pm and don’t really know how to release it, so I started turning on music (I use the Hit List Music Channel on TV… and sometimes switch it up, maybe Show Tunes if I’m in a funny mood). I put on a pair of heels, yes with my pajamas, pick up 5 lb weights, and have a dance party by myself. It’s sooooo fun; you can dance however the hell you want and no one’s judging you. If you get low, you feel the burn in your thighs.

From Laura: Fitclick.com has like a zillion workout programs you can download for free and it lets you track everything on line. It’s like your own personal trainer minus the 100 bucks an hour part.

From …me… because I feel like a cheater if I don’t contribute something:
Grab a milk crate and turn on The Kardashians. Yeah, I am probably going to need to explain this one a little further. Folks you need 30 minutes of aerobic activity 4 times a week. I figure if I am going to let my brain deteriorate with reality programming I might as well not let my figure deteriorate too. Here’s the set up… Pick anything sturdy that is 12 to 16 inches off the ground and place it in front of the big black box that is slowly consuming your life and step it up*.  I find the simpler you keep the moves the better. Step up with one foot and then the other and go down the exact same way.  Fancy dance moves don’t really burn a lot more calories and after 30 minutes you will feel the burn in places you didn’t think should be open to the burn. At the point where I feel like quitting and laying on the couch with Ben and Jerry I like to let Kim’s booty act like my own personal incentive plan.

And if all else fails just order yourself the attached scale and call it a day!

* Not to be confused with ‘Step up’ a dance movie that makes you believe a little hip hop is all you need to fight off the powers that be in the ghetto… Thanks but I am gonna go with joining a gang and packin’ heat.