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Wanna spruce up your kitchen for springtime? Try Aspects Peel and Stick Metal Tiles (www.aspectideas.com). These tiles can cover almost any old surface including old tile and give any old kitchen a fresh designer look…and at $20 for a box 8 you may find a lot of surfaces that you think need to be redone!
The cheapest and quickest way to get your home in the mood for Spring…Essential Oils from Plantlife. Starting at less than 4 dollars a bottle, these oils can be used as room sprays, put on light bulbs, put on a wet rag for dusting, or mixed with bath products to give them a fresh spring scent. I LOVE the lemon, grapefruit, and sweet orange and you will find a zillion smell good and feel good reasons to make this part of your spring must haves!
Holiday Parties are good times for two reasons: Egg nog and Mistletoe. Usually eggnog is the catalyst for mistletoe mania, but what if you are Mormon, Baptist, or Amish and there is no liquor available at your shindig? Well then obviously you will have to use sex appeal to get ya some. And that means…
COCKTAIL DRESSES!!!
Here are the BrookieP tricks of the trade. Let us begin.
1. This is the most artistic freedom you are entitled to all year in terms of ‘fancy dress,’ and to let that go to waste would be a shame. Big bows? Generally not appropriate for a thirty-year-old woman unless you are playing naughty schoolgirl with your significant other—but for the holidays, bring it on! Bedazzles, beads, and feathers are also acceptable for holidays ladieswear… and for guest appearances on Dancing with the Stars, with no gender specifications.
2. If you are poor, buy one fabulous black dress, and killer bright shoes, and clutches in two colors. If you are really poor, buy wraps in two different colors instead of the shoe/clutch scenario to get two uses for your cocktail dress. If you are really really poor, buy the tightest cocktail dress you can find and someone will eventually buy your accessories for you. I am not advocating prostitution so please don’t send me angry emails… it’s a joke… kinda.
3. The Holiday Dress should be sexy, not slutty… you know who you are. If you bend over and it looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting leave it for ‘club night.’ This is also not the time to go sans bra and panties… you also know who you are. Which brings me to the most important message for today: Your cocktail dress is not about the actual dress—it’s about showing off your kick-ass bod, and since none of us were born perfect (Victoria’s Secret Bitches excluded) invest in two things before all else… Spanx and chicken cutlets. These shape wear garments will suck you in, and the silicone booby inserts are about as much of a personal guarantee as I give to get yourself some holiday tonsil hockey.
I love these party dresses below, which are available at edressme.com.
May you find a dress this season that makes you feel fabulous, sisters!
The Holidays are damn expensive. As if it’s not enough that I have to liquor up and feed everyone, all the extra little expenses can really add up. So, I would like to take this opportunity to say that, for the holidays, that I will not be giving gifts this year. In lieu of gifts, I have made a donation in each of your names to the Brooke Peterson Kick-Ass Shoe Fund. It is a charity that is near and dear to me, and I know you are all touched by my thoughtfulness and generosity. Just kidding, you greedy little brats. As usual, I will be cutting corners to save money for my Gifts and Presents Fund, and that means a trip to the dollar store.
DON’T YOU JUDGE ME! Yes, it smells like formaldehyde. Yes, I sometimes get a weird eye infection when I leave there.* No, the person behind the counter usually does not have a full set of teeth, or strong understanding of personal hygiene, but these are my people, the dollar store peeps, and I will not abandon them.
Seriously though, if you want to get more bang for your buck than a Vietnamese call girl, the dollar store is your sweet spot for saving money this jingle bell season, because you need extra everything. Here are my dollar store must-haves, table tips, and party favors… If you are going to risk an eye to save a buck, you better make it count.
1. This is the place to get all the crap that your neighborhood grocer enjoys bending you over and sticking it to you: Paper towels, extra t.p., clean-up supplies like Windex and Ajax… The only thing to stay away from is the garbage bags, because they are so weak that Mary Kate Olsen’s appetizer plate would cause them burst open.
2. Grab as many candles as you can afford, and at a dollar a piece, that should be plenty. You will use them as them all season, and when guests come over, as it is quicker to light a few candles than to run out for flowers.
3. Dishes. Sounds weird but these guys have gold chargers, porcelain bowls, wine glasses, etc. Look through your stock at home and see where you are sparse. Rule of thumb: I only buy white dishes, clear glass wear, and everything else in mixable colors like gold, silver, and taupe. It helps things look like they match even when they don’t. Plus, someone always ends up tanked and breaking shit, and if the victim dishware is not part of a set, it makes me less likely to act violently.
4. Centerpieces can be done here on the cheap. As a general rule, I only buy foodstuffs for display from here, but they do cheap bags of lemons, oranges, and cranberries for simple and chic pieces. I also like to do giant bags of colorful dollar store candy to place in large glass containers on the kids’ tables at holiday events. Have containers on hand to turn said candy display into take-home party favors.
5. I have found that giving gifts in bags from the Hustler store takes away from the “specialness” of the season. You can load up on wrapping supplies at the dollar store and keep them in a drawer… Viola, girl has herself a holiday wrapping center!
6. Last but not least, this is where you should pick up all those pesky little ball ornaments that break EVERY DAMN YEAR! They add pizzazz to your holiday decor, and when they are this cheap, you can come up lots of fun way to display them!
That’s a nice starter list for you bargain hunting bitches. See ya tomorrow, same time, same place… unless I find something better to do.
*To be fair to the store that has given me so much at such a discount, I have a bad habit of rubbing my eyes and only a total freakin’ moron goes with in 100 yards of that place with out industrial hand sanitizer. I learned my lesson on the 3rd infection. I ain’t one of those ‘quick learners.’
Mom may have told you to update your closet every season and invest in ‘classic pieces,’ but what if you can’t even pay your dry cleaning bill? Seriously, they won’t give me my fall peacoat and I am chilly. Karma is a bitch, Sunset Cleaners! And don’t even get me started with Saks Fifth. Apparently you can’t buy new shoes until you pay for the last pair… that you bought in June… ‘07.
So, I thought I would attempt to do a little wardrobe revamp. Here are some ways to give your wardrobe an update without having to be wary of getting a snippy call from VISA where they might as well say… “Do you ever plan on paying this thing off?”
1. No-Sew Tape: Changing hemlines for the sewing-impaired for centuries
You can change the hemline on jeans, skirts, and pants. It is also awesome for keeping draped items in place and tweaking their shape.
2. Rite Dye: How that hideous mustard yellow bridesmaid dress became your new little black dress
Buy the dye at any fabric store and read the directions but basically ya just toss it into the wash with whichever garment you want to dye. Here are few quick tips for this:
P.s. This is also great for getting a set of matching colored garments in your wardrobe. For example throw an old black turtleneck, leggings, socks, t-shirt, etc. in one load and then all your blacks will match perfectly this winter!
3. Accessories: Big Pieces… Little Cost
Any chick worth her salt knows accessories bring drama quicker than Courtney Love. However, girls, here are three things you might not know however girls about accessories for fall:
> Rachel Roy has just launched her line at Macy’s. For those of you who have been living in a cave, Rachel is a fashion goddess who has an incredible knack for making pieces that just make you feel freakin’ rock star cool. Check her stuff out at Macy’s for designer taste at a non-designer price.
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> Target does the same thing with their accessory designers that they do with their Boutique designers and right now they have Hollywood Intuition which is the perfect wardrobe pick-me-up with oversized sunglasses, snake skin totes, and sophisticated leather bracelets. Check ‘em out at Target.com
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> Continuing with the trend of Rachels, Rachel Zoe has launched a line on QVC. Now although I feel Miss Zoe should be a little more concerned with eating a sandwich than designing an accessories collection… the collection is fabulous. It is a modern take on old Hollywood glam meets Boho, and just one of these very reasonably priced accessories will put some serious wow in your wardrobe. Try the faux fur vest… just trust me.
4. DIY to the stale-wardrobe rescue.
Here are two great tricks to turn old stuff into hot new stuff:
Happy Wardrobe Redo… you may now answer your phone without anxiety!
