Springtime Martini…well really it’s an Anytime Martini, but not before noon because then its called a You Gotta Problem Martini.

In a cocktail mixer combine:

2 ounces peach flavored vodka

1 ounce Peach Schanpps

½  teaspoon crushed rosemary

Shake with ice and poor into a glass. Garnish with a sprig of rosemary.

Food Network’s launch of Private Chefs of Beverly Hills is just two and a half short weeks away and today I saw the first promo for the show!!  Have a look and tell us your thoughts!  Click here to see the promo

Looking for the best way to serve lemonade, brighten up an old dingy table, or infuse some springtime color into your house full of Winter blues?   Colored serving trays!! These wooden trays from West Elm start at $22 and will take you through the Spring in style!  Also, they might also plant the seed in your partners head that you’d like all meals breakfast in bed every single day every once in a while.

Here is what I learned yesterday, St. Patrick’s Day is BORRRING when you are 7+ months pregnant.

So this year, I say screw the drunken leprechan, we’re going on a virtual trip down South.  Just because the US Government advises we don’t go to Mexico anytime soon, doesn’t mean we can’t bring Mexico’s finest exports to us.  

Here on Things Your Mother Never Taught You we believe if you only learn how to make three things in your adult life they should be the following:

1. Margies:  Mexico’s alternative to Prozac.

2. Guacamole: Mexico’s alternative to vegetables.  (FYI-french onion dip does not fulfill that requirement just because it has onion in the title).

3. Piñata- After a few Margies you can beat it and instead of going to jail you get prizes…Mexico’s alternative to violent alcoholics!  You don’t really even have to learn to make this…just stuff it with candy.

OLÉ!

Margies:

Click here for a video by yours truly on how to make kick ass Mango Margaritas!

Guacamole:

What you need:

2 RIPE avocados with the insides scooped out
½ cup sour cream
2 tablespoons lime juice
1 teaspoon course salt
1 to 2 dashes of Tabasco…depending on your heat tolerance
½ cup chopped tomatoes
2 tablespoons chopped cilantro
3 tablespoons diced onion

What to do:

Mash everything together and ENJOY!

I like flour! And butter! And sugar!  Put it all together and I really like cake!  I also like fitting into pants that do not require an elastic waistband.  So ladies and gentleman, I give you Flourless Hazelnut Cake.  Now you can have your skinny jeans and eat your cake too!

 
 
Hazelnut Cake
1 pound ground hazel nuts (toss ‘em in your blender to grind)
6 eggs separated
1 tablespoon vanilla
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
 

1.     Preheat oven to 400
2.     In a large bowl combine ground hazelnuts, egg yolks, sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon and cream them together
3.     In a separate bowl beat egg whites until stiff peaks form
4.     Add ¼ of egg white mixture to the hazelnut mixture and incorporate
5.     Add rest of egg whites to the bowl and fold together until no streaks are left from the egg whites.
6.     Pour mixture into a non-stick spring form cake pan and bake for 50 minutes or until a fork comes cleanly out of the center
7.  Top with berries, whip cream, or be bad and put a little chocolate syrup on it!

Dear faithful readers of Things Your Mother Never Taught You:

I am very excited to officially announce the launch of a new show on Food Network featuring me, Brooke Peterson, called Private Chefs of Beverly Hills!

Stay tuned!

Love,

Brookie P

New Primetime Docu-Soap Premieres on Friday, April 9^th at 10pm ET/PT 

NEW YORK – Wednesday, March 10^th, 2010 – Food Network peeks into the high-demand world of culinary glamour in Private Chefs of Beverly Hills. Premiering Friday, April 9^th at 10pm ET/PT, this delicious docu-soap follows six gifted cooks from Big City Chefs, Beverly Hills’ premiere private chef placement agency. On-call 24/7, the chefs must cater to the whims of their over-the-top and eccentric clientele in Los Angeles’ most posh neighborhood.

“Viewers go inside the world of private chefs who cater to the ultra high-end and even higher maintenance Beverly Hills clientele,” said Bob Tuschman, Senior Vice President, Programming and Production, Food Network. “These six chefs bring humor, skill and creativity to each encounter making for a very funny, compelling and entertaining series.”

With a litany of outrageous requests coming in to Big City Chefs owner Tom Stieber, each episode features the chefs tackling assignments like cooking for both humans and canines in a doggy spa, injecting flavor into a salon’s Botox party, pampering young millionaire’s glamorous camping (or “glamping”) trip, indulging aging 80’s hair rockers intent on living the rock ‘n roll lifestyle, and becoming unwitting participants in a medieval murder mystery party held behind the stone walls of Los Angeles’ only Scottish castle. 

I am not sure if the cooler weather in the fall makes people wanna cuddle more or what, but there seem to be a disproportionately high number of birthdays in the Spring.  

Some are close friends, but some of the birthday parties I have attended lead me to dream up a use for that underused hall closet.  I call it my I don’t know you well enough to get a personalized gift closet.  Also known as the shit I forgot we had to go to a dinner party, thanks for telling the police that I was totally at your house at all night, congrats on your conversion wickenism closet.

My name is Brooke Peterson and I forgot your birthday.

Here are the things you need to give gifts on the fly so people like you and think you are exceptionally thoughtful. 

1. A supply of stock gifts such as wine, candles, and picture frames.  I also like to keep a few unexpected things that I now know I can expect to use like board games, cds, photo books by Taschen.

2. Ribbon and scissors

3. Bags, wrapping paper, tissue and tags

4. Blank cards and Pens

All of these item can be bought at the dollar store with the exception of the stock gifts.  

Now you too can give gifts to people you would have otherwise told …”I totally had something for you but I left it on the counter at home!”

Nothing makes me more excited than March Madness.  OK, that a lie, but I do like game day food!  Click here to learn how to make my famous game day fondue.  Swoosh.

Photo by Leanna Creel

An Open Letter to McDonald’s

Dear Mr. McDonald’s,

You are such a typical man.  Last night I went through your drive-thru and got myself a little chocolate crack in a cup or milkshake as I believe you call it.   I went to sleep happy and with a full tummy, a blood glucose level that is definitely illegal in Utah and possibly some other tea party states, but happy nonetheless knowing that a sausage biscuit McSomething awaited me in the morning…like you said.   But at 10:15am when I ponied up to your drive thru window you were nowhere to be found.  Where is my porky goodness and why is some stranger offering me a cheeseburger.  WTF???  No, no, no!   I do not want a cheeseburger at 10:15 in the freakin’ morning.  Rush Limbaugh wouldn’t even eat a cheeseburger in the morning…unless you made vicodin your new ‘special sauce’.  

Screw You, Ronald McDonald!  

We are OVER!  I am making my own sausage scrumptiousness and I will not get drunk and call you just to see how your doing and then come over for a chocolate “milkshake” and believe that you will be there in the morning. I won’t fall for it…again.

Sincerely,

Brookie P  

Cinnamon Sausage Biscuits

2 cups all purpose flour

3 tablespoons sugar

1-teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1-tablespoon cinnamon

½ teaspoon nutmeg

1 pound cooked pork sausage

1-cup sharp cheddar cheese

½ teaspoon vanilla

2 cups heavy cream

Directions

1. Preheat your oven to 400 degrees

2. Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl

3. Add in sausage and cheese

4. Add vanilla to the heavy cream in a separate bowl

5. Slowly begin to incorporate liquid into dry ingredients until mixture begins to form a dough ball in the center of the bowl.

6. On a floured surface begin to roll dough out and square off the edges with a knife.

7. Cut dough in 2×2 squares and place on non-stick cookie sheet

8. Bake for 20 minutes or until lightly golden

These little puppies are a good time to bust out the butter and/or maple syrup and forget about the diet.

Ahh Springtime…  A season for cute bunnies, pastels and last and totally but not least Spring Cleaning.

I am big on rewarding yourself in life.  Had a good week on your diet? Eat a candy bar!  Finally paid off your credit card? Mama needs a new dress!  Just completed a 12 step program? Have a cocktail….oh take a joke.

Here are some fun little finds to spruce up your life after you have cleaned out your abode, and by you I obviously mean the friendly folks at your neighborhood cleaning service.  That’s a joke.  Just not sure which part.  

As you’ll see, the next several posts will be dedicated to Springtime and some new ways to spruce up your digs. 

Spring find numero uno:  

Leafy Sticky Notes-  Add a little life to your bookshelves! These green grass sticky notes called Green Markers are from Japanese designer Yuruliku are a beautiful Spring alternative to bookmarks and at 700 yen (8ish dollars) these are inexpensive way bring in the green!