Some people look to the NYC runway for fashion trends…  I look and think those girls need to eat a Twinkie and while we are on the subject, stop putting prepubescent anorexic 13 year olds in the “latest fall fashions for women”.  They aren’t women…they are seventh graders. I am sending those girls to my Jewish in-laws, cuz no one gets out of there for less than a couple thousand calories and God knows they need it. No ladies, I am not looking just anywhere for my fall fashion report…I am looking to the Amish.  The Amish are very serious about knee coverage and I think they are onto something…KNEE HIGH BOOTS. Yeah, maybe that’s not the original intention but whatever. Your self-esteem boost is equal to the height of the heel. What? I don’t make the rules!

Seriously though they are a strong statement and are a freakin’ fantastic way to put a little zing into your fall wardrobe.

I have recently developed an affinity for anything portable…snack packs, juice boxes, the Olsen twins, etc. I find that Oprah’s lessons on multitasking apply well to eating stuff whilst doing other things. Enter the Calzone: a close cousin of the pizza and still able to get married in Arkansas. Here is my favorite Calzone recipe…it tastes like a portable charcuterie platter and makes for a fantastic appetizer…and by appetizer I mean something that you can eat a lot of and call a meal.

Pear and Provolone Calzones

What you’ll need:

For the filling:

• 2 pears, thinly sliced
• 4oz. of Provolone cheese
• ½ cup candied walnuts
  4 tablespoons gorgonzola cheese
  2 tablespoons white truffle oil
  1 garlic clove, finely chopped
  ½ teaspoon salt
  ½ teaspoon sugar
  2 tablespoons olive oil
  1 teaspoon garlic salt

Calzone dough:

2 ½ cups bread flour
1 package self-rising yeast
1 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons finely granulated sugar
2 tablespoons olive oil

Directions

Preheat convection oven to 375 degrees.
Combine all dough ingredients, place a dish towel over the dough, and set aside. In a separate bowl combine the walnuts, gorgonzola cheese, truffle oil, garlic, salt, and sugar. Roll out the dough on a lightly floured surface and cut into six equal squares. Place equal slices of pears and Provolone cheese on one half of each piece of dough. Top pears and Provolone with 2 tablespoons of the walnut mixture. Fold the dough square in half to make a triangle and close the edges by pressing down with your fingers or a fork. Brush each calzone with olive oil and sprinkle with garlic salt. Place calzones on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake in the oven for 17 minutes or until lightly browned.

My Dad is Greek and his favorite saying in the entire world is “You know Brooke, the Greeks invented _____________”. Fill in the blank with anything you want. Seriously ANYTHING. Air? Crack? The known Universe? Strippers? The Theory of Relativity*? You name it and my Dad will tell you it was invented by the Greeks. Well Papa, here is an actual dish inspired by your country men. Yassou bitches!

*Einstein did that one Dad, not Einsteinpapadopoulus.

What you’ll need:

• 1 box of penne pasta
• 1 cup of pitted black olives, diced
• 2 cups of spinach
• 1 ½ cups of mozzarella cheese
• 1 jar of marinara sauce
• ½ cup of Parmesan cheese
• 2 chicken breasts, diced into small cubes
• 1 cup of crumbled feta cheese
• olive oil

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Bring a large pot of water to a boil, and make sure you salt the water. Add the penne pasta and cook for about 6-8 minutes.

Heat the olive oil in a large skillet, add the chicken and cook until the outside has a deep caramel color. In a 9 x 13 pan or casserole dish, combine the cooked penne pasta, chicken, marinara sauce, spinach, black olives, feta cheese and 1 cup of the mozzarella cheese. Even out the ingredients and layer the top with the remaining mozzarella cheese. Sprinkle the Parmesan cheese on top and place in the oven.

Cook for about 20 minutes, until the cheese has melted and all the ingredients have been heated through.

All of you design aficionados out there may be familiar with the term “negative space”…it is the blank space that accentuates design…or a ten foot radius around Lindsay Lohan. I am always looking for ways to fill any space because I have never been a big believer in blank space. I like to see things…interesting things, not just air.

The problem in a home is that sometimes filling space, with especially interesting things, is especially expensive! I am always looking for cool things on the cheap to make an impact. Here is one that I did recently to fill the space under a bench, and it added warmth and depth to this particular little obscure wall. All you need is firewood and a good hour to arrange it into a tight formation.

Quick tip-Wear gloves! Splinters hurt, and I don’t know if there is such a thing but I am pretty sure I got wood poisoning for which the only known cure is 2 very cold beers.

I have found the most Jewish of all sandwiches…The Lox Sammy! I have an old-school Jewish Mother-in-law to whom if I said that I had just won the Pulitzer Prize, she would ask why I had not won the Nobel Prize. Anything I do could always be done better if she had done it. Well not this! This sandwich is a whole new way to do the old-school Lox and bagels. It feels more delicate and less Woody Allen. I am serving this at our next disfunction.

P.S. If you are my mother-in-law and you are reading this, I would like to say 3 things…

1. I love you.

2. You scare me and sometimes when you come into a room I pee a little.

3. I knew you read my blog! See, I am not some “dumb blonde idiot”. I am a funny dumb blonde idiot!

What you’ll need:

* 4 slices of whole wheat bread

* 4 thin strips of Smoked Salmon

* Avocado, sliced

* 1 tbsp of lemon juice

* 1 cup of plain cream cheese

* 1 tbsp of capers, diced

* Chives, chopped

Directions:

Combine the cream cheese, chopped chives, lemon juice, and capers in bowl. Using an electric mixer, whip the ingredients until the consistency becomes light and fluffy.

Place the sliced bread on the counter top and pound lightly with a cutting board until the bread becomes thin.  Toast the bread for about 30 seconds on each side (depending on how you like it).

Spread the cream cheese mixture on one slice of toast, layer with the smoked salmon and top with avocado slices. You can add the second piece of bread on top, or serve it open- faced.

Fall is quickly coming up on you like your bad credit score at a car dealership . You know it’s there but you want to live in the fantasy for just a bit longer. Summer is coming to an end and it’s time to deal with it folks. I find buying stuff helps because I am shallow and vapid like that, and there is nothing better to buy than “season changers”. These season changers are little sumthin sumthins for you or your home that say “Out with the old and In with the new“. They are the Larry King of commitment because you only use them for a season and when they aren’t new and shiny anymore you them toss aside. I am a big fan of season changers especially in a city like L.A., where Christmas Day and Fourth of July sometimes have the EXACT SAME TEMPERATURE!*

J crew is rocking the “Camel look” like nobody’s business and it says sophisticated Autumn like nothing else. Camel is this years fashion season changer here at TYMNTY. Plus, it hides baby spit up really well which is my new litmus test for fashion!

*People in Minnesota are like “Screw you Brooke. I bet its real hard for you in that 72 degree weather with constant sunshine”. Yup, I definitely just lost my Minnesota contingency.

Do you know the “smell good people”? You know the people. The ones who go to the beach and smell like coconut oil or go to the country and smell like wild flowers? Yeah, well I’m not one of those people. I go the beach and smell like dead fish and if I go to the country I usually end up smelling like dirt and doo doo. With that said, I have obviously found perfume, showers, and deodorant essential necessities. My other little helpers are lavender sachets. You can stick these puppies anywhere: suitcases, drawers, purses, etc., and then you too can join the “smell good people”!

P.S. I love Lavender so much I included a Lavender cookie recipe for extra credit!

Lavender Sachets:

You can use these to add fragrance to your any drawer, or cabinet in your home.

What you’ll need:

10” Squares of Muslin, Linen, or Cotton

¼ cup Dried Lavender Flowers

Ribbon (optional)

Directions:

Sew two 10” squares on three sides. Fill the bag with the lavender flowers and sew the fourth side.

If you are planning on giving these as a gift, or would like to bundle them up, tie four sachets together with the matching ribbon of your choice.

Lavender Cookies with Meyer Lemon Glaze:

Let’s be honest, a cookie can make almost anything better. These delicate cookie slices will surely brighten up your day!

What you’ll need:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 extra large egg, lightly beaten
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 tablespoons dried culinary lavender, chopped

Directions:

In a large bowl, mix the butter and sugar until creamy. Beat in the egg. Sift together the flour and baking powder into the mixture. Stir in the lavender until combined. Transfer the mixture to a clean surface and gather into a ball. Roll out the dough into a cylinder shape, cover it with parchment paper, and chill in the freezer for about 40 minutes until firm.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Slice the dough into thin rounds and place them on a cookie sheet lined with parchment paper.

Bake for about 12 minutes or until golden brown. Let cool for 5 minutes then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Meyer Lemon Glaze:

Whisk ¾ cup of confectioner sugar with the juice from one Meyer lemon until the glaze is nice and smooth. Drizzle over the lavender cookies and eat them up!

Traditions make our life richer, deeper, and give us something to look forward to in life. One of the greatest traditions my Mom started when I was a kid was the “breakfast dinner”. Once a month we would put our pajamas on early in the evening and make breakfast for dinner. It is one of my most vivid childhood memories and dammit I’m bringing it back in all its glory. There will be cartoons, jammies with feet attached, and pancakes.

You can start this tradition too! You can do it with your family, your roommate, or someone you met on eHarmony. Actually you probably shouldn’t do it on an eHarmony first date scenario because it says “Hey this is what you have to look forward to if you and I make this thing work …me in pajamas at 6pm, eating an unacceptable amount of carbs while watching cartoons”.

These oven baked eggs are hearty enough to serve for your breakfast dinner and they only leave one dish to clean up. Tradition…Tradition! (Please sing this part of the post as if you were Tevye from Fiddler on the Roof).

What you’ll need

• 4 eggs
• 2 Ovenproof bowls
• 1 cup of tomato sauce
• Olive oil
• Salt & pepper
• Parmesan Cheese
• Fresh Basil, chopped

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Add ½ cup of tomato sauce into each ovenproof bowl. Crack 2 eggs into each of the bowls and be careful not to break the yolks. Drizzle the eggs with olive oil, salt, and pepper. Bake the eggs in the oven for about 15 minutes or until the whites have set. Remove from the oven and sprinkle with freshly grated parmesan cheese. You can garnish the dish with some roughly chopped fresh basil.

Serve with warm Focaccia bread.

Heirloom tomatoes are in season and are very easy to find at your local farmer’s market.  Also always in season…LAZY. Some people look great in pastels, others in bright colors, me I look good in lazy. This is a dish that works damn well for your lazy days.  Plus if the delivery guy from Pizza Hut knows your name, your embarrassing yourself sister! Get some pride…make bruschetta.

Ingredients:

• 4 Heirloom tomatoes (any variety, chopped)
• 1 Loaf of Ciabbatta Bread (cut into slices)
• 1 tablespoon of butter
• Fresh Basil
• 1 clove of garlic, minced
• Olive oil
• Balsamic Vinegar
• Salt & Pepper
• Parmesan cheese (optional)

In a large bowl combine the tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, balsamic vinegar, and season with salt and pepper. Chop the fresh basil into thin strips and toss into the mixture. Melt the butter on a large skillet and grill the ciabatta until crispy and golden brown.  Arrange the bread on a serving dish, and spoon the tomato mixture on top of each slice. You can grate some Parmesan cheese on top for added flavor.

In a perfect world all things are created equal and work the same, but let’s face it we don’t live in a perfect world and some things are just WAY better than others.

To prove my latest hypothesis, I went into my lab (the kitchen) and tried out the new measuring spoons that Pyrex recently came out with. I thought measuring spoons were simple enough, how could one set really be better than another… Well, I was WRONG. Pyrex has re-invented the spoon…! These magnetized bad boys snap together so its impossible to lose the quarter teaspoon spoon (NOTE: It is not a coincidence that none of my recipes have a quarter teaspoon of anything as I haven’t been able to find that thing since ‘97!).

Do yourself a favor and scoop up (hehehe!) a pair of these for yourself.

One final bonus point for these little puppies… They will entertain your toddler or husband, oh wait I didn’t mean to repeat myself, for hours.  Ok I am totally lying about the husband/toddler thing-

I played with these things for hours. They are like magnetized pick up sticks… I need to get out of the house more.